Fur and Feathers
by Tsuki-no-oni
Summary: AU college-bound Kagome ends up with a summer job running the staff at the city zoological establishment. Feeding animals, greeting tourists…piece of cake, right? In prog. Akina & Tsuki fic.
1. Red vs Blue?

Tsuki: (sings) It's raining men, halleluah, it's raining men…

Akina: (sings along too) I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get…

Tsuki: …absolutely soaking wet! Yay, I love to sing. And that's such a great song. I refuse to be depressed over the relese of the first Inuyasha movie.

Akina: well, this is our new…currently going to be really short…ficlet.

Tsuki: and now…(announcer voice) for the summary!

SUMMARY:

          AU college-bound Kagome ends up with a summer job running the staff at the city zoological establishment. Feeding animals, greeting tourists…piece of cake, right? But when her staff consists of a letch, a tomboy, a hanyou, and his quiet youkai brother will she even be able to survive the first day? Tsuki & Akina ficlet!

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Kagome grinned as she dropped her bags in her dorm. It was in the building just outside of the zoo, overlooking the neibhoring golf course and the miniature train tracks. The building itself was all dorms for the summer college students that would be managing the zoo while the regular staff worked on shifts.

She cast a troubled look at the second bed in the room. Kagome had never had a roommate before, and she had heard awful stories. Her own belongings unpacked, however, she couldn't wait around for the other girl. She was due for a meeting with the zoo's event coordinator to receive her summer assignment.

'Please don't have anything to do with poop…' 

The event coordinator was elderly, a large grey bun on the top of her head and a clipboard clutched in one arm.

"Hello. You'll be young Kagome Hiragushi, then?"

Kagome nodded.

"I am Kaede, your supervisor. While you're working here, any plans that you have will be run by me first. You, Ms. Hiragushi, will be the staff director."

Kagome grinned widely. "Thank you very much, Ms. Kaede."

"On this clipboard you'll find maps, keys, and lists of chores to be done. There's a page on the rest of the staff, they'll check in with you when they arrive."

As soon as Kaede finished talking, Kagome was approached by a tall boy wearing red. His long silver hair was pulled into a ponytail and he was giving her a look that clearly said he wouldn't take orders. She smirked as he refused her handshake.

"I'm Kagome,"

"I'm Inuyasha. Where am I supposed to go, wench?"

Kagome huffed. "My name's Kagome."

"Feh."

"…" she looked at the list. "Inuyasha, eh?"

'_What's a good job for a guy that's stubborn and foul-mouthed? I know!'_

"Inuyasha, you're going to manage an entire species this summer."

"Yes?"

"Inuyasha, I'm proud to inform you that you're manager…"

"Yes?!"

"…of the monkies."

He stared at her for a minute. "Feh. Wench, who do you think I am?"

"You're Inuyasha Makahoto," Kagome replied promptly. "You're a sophmore in college, you're majoring in martial arts."

Inuyasha's eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"I have your life on my clipboard," Kagome said matter-of-factly. "Now get going, Abu wants some banannas,"

Inuyasha stared at her like she was insane for a moment more before turning and leaving. Moments later, Inuyasha's double walked up, wearing blue.

Kagome blinked.

"Inuyasha, you don't have a split personality or something, do you?" she consulted the Clipboard of Life.

"Do not mistake this Sesshoumaru for his mangy brother."

"Oh! Sorry. So you're Sesshoumaru Makahoto, then?"

"Hai."

"I have just the assignment for you, Mr…um…poetry major," she sputtered, tripping over the last few words. "You…poetry?!"

Sesshoumaru didn't dignify her with an answer.

"…anyway…I thought that you'd make a good manager for some of the trickest animals we have."

"Yes?"

"Sesshoumaru, I'm going to make you manager of…" she grinned widely. "The Peacocks!"

He blinked. "This Sesshoumaru will write a haiku," he cleared his throat. "Beautiful feathers, masculine feminity, Sess accepts this task."

Kagome stared at him. And then she stared some more. "Oh…oohkay…"

He didn't respond, but turned and walked towards the door. '_Well, this is going to be an intriguing experience…'_

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Tsuki: well…we know what's happening next. But we're ending this chapter.

Akina: we're also singing Only Hope by mandy moore. But that's okay.

Tsuki: you don't need to be terrified by us wishing that we could sing like mandy moore. Just be happy we aren't typing in lyrics at random.

Akina: (nods)

Tsuki: well, it's two in the morning officially in another ten or twelve minutes. So we're probably going to sleep.

Akina: And while we're asleep, you can review for us. C'mon, you know that you want to see Sesshoumaru chase a peacock…(grins)

Tsuki: personally, I like the title of this chapter. Inu-mon = dog-monsters. . (grins) not that I ever encouraged the pokemon scare, of course…(rolls eyes).


	2. Gone to Haiku Hell

Tsuki: (bobs head to Witch Hunter Robin soundtrack) I only wish there was an abundance of fanfiction for this…

Akina: we could write some…

Tsuki: hey, I wonder if this could be mistaken for script format! WOOT!

Akina: …=.= let's move on with the story.

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After Kagome's handling of Inuyasha's 'mishap' involving the monkeys and an open gate, she was beat. Crawling into her director's go-cart and fanning herself with her Clipboard of Life, she contemplated checking back at the dorms for more arrivals when Sess walked up with a worried look on his face.

"The peacocks are gone, no brightly colored feathers, what should this Sess do?"

Kagome blankly registered the haiku. And then she resumed the staring that she left off with in the previous chapter. After a few minutes she deciphered what he meant and realized that she was supposed to be giving orders. Sess was patiently waiting, staring at her with the same sort of calm detachment that she was treating him with. Kagome blinked and leapt into verbal action.

"Well go and get them."

Sess paled. "There are so many, scattered far across the zoo, make Inu do it."

Kagome processed the second haiku more quickly. "No, you're in charge of the peacocks. Go."

"This Sesshoumaru, searching all across the zoo, task impossible."

"Stop speaking in fragments and leave. I'm going to close my eyes. When I open them I only want to see you walking away. If you don't, I'm going to make you scoop poo for a month."

Sesshoumaru turned and scuttled after the nearest peacock without so much as a muttered parting haiku.

Said peacock didn't see the impassive man attached to the large pink and fluffy…thing (Tsuki: Tail! XP). Yes, the pink fluffily called to the peacock. Turning to face the object of his dreams, he spread his intricate tail feathers and began the long and complex Mating Dance of the Peacocks.

When Kagome opened her eyes, it was indeed to get a face-full of Sesshoumaru butt. Much too close to her face, but it was there all the same. She leaned forward to see the cause of his retreat and promptly fell over in shock.

A peacock had begun a mating ritual with Sesshoumaru.

"This Sesshoumaru, afraid of the colored bird, asks you what to do."

Kagome climbed back into her seat and stared as the bird began to shake its array of colored feathers and advance towards Sesshoumaru.

"Um…run away?"

Sesshoumaru once again failed to grace her with a parting haiku. Turning, he fled in the direction of the monkeys and some tall trees.

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Inuyasha was having a good day. He was sitting on a tree branch doing absolutely nothing, watching while monkeys scratched themselves and hopped about. Yes, Inuyasha was sitting on a branch INSIDE the monkey exhibit! Small children were gawking at the red-clad hanyou and tugging on their mothers to point him out. But it didn't matter to Inuyasha. He felt at peace, he felt comfortable, he felt…at _home_—in the monkey exhibit.

He had just realized this when his brother went streaking by, a large male peacock hot on his tail, literally. Inuyasha forgot to feel sorry for himself as he smirked at his brother's plight.

That was when Sesshoumaru climbed up the fencing on the side of the monkey exhibit and made a leap for the trees.

A small crowd had gathered in front of them to watch the seeming-twins leap about on the monkey's branches, said creatures scattering to the ground to likewise watch the show.

"Oi! Sesshoumaru, what do you think you're doing?"

"This Sesshoumaru, wants not such a feathered mate, unless you do pup."

"Pup?! What the hell?!"

"This Sesshoumaru, while seen as a dog in flight, is much your elder."

Inuyasha smirked at his brother's choice of words. "You may be my elder, but you're the idiot running away from some stupid colored bird. You should eat it, not run away from it."

"This Sesshoumaru, not hungry for the moment, is in a zoo too."

"Big problem. The bird wants your tail!"

Sesshoumaru gathered the offended fluffy appendage into his arms and pouted. "This Sesshoumaru, skilled in the art of haiku, is smarter than you," he jabbed.

"Oi! I give you advice for free and now you're insulting me? Who's the idiot here, idiot?!"

"This Sesshoumaru, weeps for father's genetics, wasted so on you." He backed this up by shaking his head and drumming his fingers together.

Inuyasha took a moment to find a good comeback. "Yeah?! Well you're just an idiot!"

Did we say a good comeback?

"This Sesshoumaru, wasting his day in these trees, has a better job."

"Idiot!"

"This Sesshoumaru, chased down by such a bright bird, shall leave you this stink."

Sess indicated the monkies with a wave of his hand. Inuyasha was hurt.

"Hey, those are my buddies! Don't insult my peeps!"

Sesshoumaru gave him one sad look before shaking his head and leaping down to the ground. He grabbed the peacock and wandered off towards the peacock pond.

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Kagome barely crawled back into the dorms. She had managed to almost run over a peacock, slam on the breaks of her go-cart, fall in _front_ of the go-cart, and end up getting run _over_ by the go-cart. There was a lovely tire track down the back of her shirt which she had been trying to ignore while she checked up on Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. The former made many snide comments about said addition to her wardrobe, but the latter was too engrossed in his peacock chase to notice her.

When she arrived she found a crowd of people already there, talking in the lobby and waiting for her.

_Joy_.

Kagome sat down in her folding chair and produced the Clipboard of Life, looking through the applicants and mentally assigning them jobs.

"Line up, you're all late," she muttered.

The crowd filtered into a line after a few minutes.

"Horses," she informed victim number one, an average boy named Hojo from her school.

"Why?"

"_GO…_" Kagome growled, giving Hojo the evil eye.

"Okay…."

"Butterflies," she told the next person.

"Yay!" Rin exclaimed, skipping off towards the door. Kagome stared after her for a moment before looking up at Kouga.

"Uh…prarie dogs,"

"Your wish is my command, Lady Kagome."

"Just leave."

Kouga bowed before heading for the door.

"Hello Kagome,"

"Helll-oooh, Sango. You're going to run the gift shop over at the zoo entrance."

"Okay," Sango nodded and walked off.

"Hello Lady Kagome, allow me to introduce myself. I am Miroku Houshi, and I would be honored if you would—" the boy fell to his knees in front of her chair, taking the hand holding the Pen that had been writing on the Clipboard of Life into his own. "—bear my child."

Kagome yanked her hand away. "I hate to say it, but you're the last one left for the job. You're greeting guests at the gift shop."

"KAGOME!" Sango whined, hiding behind the director's chair.

"No. Leave, now."

"But…"

"LEAVE!"

"We're the last ones!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! I SMELL AND I HAVE TO GO CHECK ON MONKEY-BOY AND HIS BIRD-BROTHER!" Kagome yelled hystarically. "I WAS RUN OVER BY A GO-CART AND A LION PEED ON ME! I WASN'T EVEN NEAR THE LIONS EITHER!"

"Ssh, calm down young Kagome." Kaede said, melting out of the shadows behind her. "It's nearly dinner break anyway. Monkey-boy and his brother will be returning shortly. Why don't you go hose yourself off?"

"I'm taking a shower." Kagome grumbled, getting up.

"There's only one," Kaede said suddenly.

"What?" Kagome asked flatly.

"It's in your room, so never fear. Others may need to use it periodically, however."

Kagome fwhacked herself over the head with the Clipboard of Life, leaning back in her chair and resisting the sudden urge she had to write zoo haikus.

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Akina: yay!

Tsuki: woot! We're done with a chapter! Woo-hoo!

Akina: and now…to review reply! Yes, that magical thing that we HAVEN'T DONE IN FOREVER!

Tsuki: that's only because I'm used to not directly responding to my Meeting Place reviews.

Akina: REVIEW REPLY NOW, BAKA!

Tsuki: (sings a pirate song) ooohhh-kaaayyy, taco…

eX Driver Liz -----Tsuki was giggling when she typed it, if that counts for not keeping a straight face...

fuf--------we just wrote one of the peacock scenes, but there are many more to come!

fluffy-gurl-----------Tsuki loves Sesshy too, though it may not seem that way from the ammount of bashing he gets in these fics...XP

reikai---------- it's nice that we're a good pickmeup. unfortiunately for Tsuki, none of her fav authors have updated and she's semi-depressed. (sigh) oh well...

McPeePants ----------------hadn't thought about Naraku. hmm....well, next chapter then!

take a WILD guess --------------. we won't be sad, we'll get Glad! and besides, school means ideas for KR, which we will update whenever Tsuki sees her preeschoolers again most likely....

Eartha---------(pulls next chapter out of oven) it still looks a little undercooked, you're going to have to wait a while...check Tsuki's bio for news!

Reignashii---------------neither have we. this is what happens when Tsuki's dad takes Tsuki and Akina to the zoo for a kiddy festival. much boredom and plotting of fanfiction...

orange-InuYasha--------------hope we're doing okay with the poetry. Tsuki and Akina have fun writing haiku! it's great how 'This Sesshoumaru' is five syllables...

DarkRoses217----------how about Sesshy chased by a peacock? if you want to see it, get someone to draw fanart! Tsuki and Akina love seeing fanart from their stories...

Taka of Egypt-------------(cowers) Tsuki doesn't like being hurt unless it's her harp chewing on her fingers....which is only okay on good days. and the haunting while she sleeps...she's a very heavy sleeper. even her teacher's threats don't get through to her. she sleeps like the dead...and stays that way until she gets COFFEE! =P


	3. The Monkey Express

Akina: I have taken over the laptop OF DOOM. Read my spiffy chapters and wait for the return of the Tsuki!

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Kagome awoke the next morning with an awful crick in her neck. (Tsuki's back nowww!) Wondering WHAT could have possibly caused that, since she knew that it COULDN'T have ever been a GO-KART, she headed downstairs for breakfast filled with great apprehension about her second day of summer employment.

Inuyasha was already waiting at the breakfast table, prodding at eggs with his fork and disturbingly awake for the time of day. Kagome paused to glare at him and his morning awake-ness, before heading off to receive her own ration of radioactive eggs. Setting her plate down in front of the hanyou, since she really had no one else to speak with yet, she also commenced in the High School ritual of prodding mysterious food with utensils.

"I think they're rubber," Inuyasha commented nonchalantly.

_Ah, so the fact that he seems to be awake is just that his gruffness hasn't kicked in yet._ Kagome wondered for a moment when that gruffness would kick in, but wasn't spared the thought as a murderous-looking Kaede stomped into the dining hall, followed by two new faces.

"Kagome, these two late arrivals are Naraku and Kagura. Make sure they get some taxing jobs, for waking an old lady before dawn."

Kagome nodded wearily and hefted her Clipboard. Inuyasha eyed it for a moment before reaching out and grabbing Kaede's wrist to prevent her from leaving. "Hey, old hag. Where's the showers around here?"

"There's only one shower, Inuyasha. Ask Kagome about it,"

Kagome blushed and made a show of looking for the new arrival's papers, keeping her eyes away from Inuyasha's curious stare. Finally locating their information, she tapped her pen against her lip.

"Well, I thought I had assigned all the jobs yesterday, but I think there's one animal exhibit without a keeper. Naraku, you're working with the giraffes. You're rooming with..."

She looked up at Inuyasha, who balked. "Oh, no. I like having a room to myself. No brother to kill, no one else's crap to pick up. Don't do it, Kagome. You'll regret it, I'll make your life a living hell! I'll..."

Ignoring the rambling Inuyasha, she smiled up at Naraku. "With him," she said brightly. Naraku raised an eyebrow and wordlessly carted his things off towards the dorms.

"Hey, how does he know where I sleep? Ah!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "He's stalking me!"

"Idiot. If you room alone, then obviously your room will be the one with only one inhabitant." Naraku replied.

Kagome snickered despite herself, flipping the page to Kagura's facts of existence. "Well, it says here that you're a drama major. I can't immediately relate that to any animals, so I'm having you split the wing house with Rin. You're in charge of birds."

Kagura nodded. "I can handle them."

"Good. You're also an odd number, so you get the last empty girl's room."

Inuyasha whined, ears flattening. "Aw, Kagome! Why can't I have that room?"

She glared at him before turning to smile up at Kagura. "It's the last one to the right,"

Kagura also headed off, leaving a furious Inuyasha glaring at a pensive Kagome, who was poking her eggs with renewed interest.

"Kagome, why do you hate me so much?" he whined.

"I don't hate you," she said automatically. "Honestly, I was perfectly happy when I met you yesterday. It's you that acted like I was a leper,"

Inuyasha glared at nothing in particular, good mood gone. This wasn't improved when his elder brother sat down next to Kagome, spouting off nonsense about one of the girls he had met at dinner.

"Beautiful lady, contending with the heavens, Rin shall me by girl."

Inuyasha snorted. "Too many syllables, eh? When will you give up this haiku thing, anyway?"

"This Sesshoumaru, angered already by you, will not sit here now." Sess got up and left, making Kagome glare at Inuyasha.

"What?!" he exclaimed, wide-eyed and innocent.

"He was being sweet," Kagome shot back. "It's been forever since I heard anyone say poetry about a girl. It made me feel fuzzy, even if he wasn't talking about me. I was all happy, even though I should be depressed since no one's ever done that for me, and you went and drove him away!"

Inuyasha blinked. "Why would anyone waste their time making up poetry about girls?" he asked.

Kagome's eyes filled up with tears. "Why?! Are you saying that I'm not worthy of guys? You're saying that I'm ugly!" she exclaimed, eyes wide.

Inuyasha panicked visibly, amber eyes wide with fear. "Kagome, don't cry! I never said that! I just said that my brother was an idiot for wasting his time—Kagome, don't cry!"

She sat there bawling, crying only getting worse when he said 'wasting his time'. Jumping out of her seat, she grabbed her eggs and dumped them on his head. "There! Now you LOOK like a monkey too! You should just live with them all the time, baka!"

Kagome turned and fled the room, leaving her Clipboard on the chair behind her. Sess didn't say anything, and since it was still dark outside, no one else was awake yet. The staff director took a nice, long walk over to the monkey exhibit and climbed into a tree, glaring at the inquisitive animals around her. They chattered nervously at her before backing off, teaming up to figure out how they would drive her out.

Kagome curled up in a ball and cried, occasionally muttering 'Inuyasha no Baka'.

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Inuyasha blinked after Kagome left. She thought he was a monkey? He still wasn't exactly sure how he had angered her, but he knew that he was angry with her. There were eggs on his head, and he was a little worried that they were acidic.

Catching sight of the clipboard, he grabbed it and headed off to find Kaede. Discovering that the old hag slept like the dead, and wondering how Naraku and Kagura had managed to wake her, Inuyasha resorted to flipping through the Forbidden Clipboard of Knowledge.

There, a key in the back of the clipboard marked 'showers'. He pulled it out of the board and put it back on Kagome's breakfast chair, figuring that she would come back for it eventually.

Now, all there was to do was try the key in each door along the dorm hallway. Not hard, right?

After a long and perilous journey deep into female territory, Inuyasha paused in front of the first door in the hallway. Kagome's room: sure, she was sharing it with Sango, but that didn't change the fact. For the hell of it, he tried the key.

The door swung open.

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After one very frightened hanyou streaked into the monkey cage, hair dripping wet and twin handprints on either side of his face, Kagome decided that it was time to leave. Climbing back down, she made a quick escape before the hanyou could catch sight of her.

On her way back to the staff house, she caught a glimpse of Sesshoumaru chasing after a peacock. _I'll eventually have to tell him that the peacocks never had their win...eh, never mind. He'll see soon enough._ Kagome smiled and continued towards the staff house, turning a blind eye on the scuttling Sesshoumaru.

Grabbing the Clipboard of Life, she was suddenly confronted by an enraged Sango. "Kagome! Inuyasha burst into our room and used our shower! I beat him up, but—"

"It's okay, Sango. That's the only staff shower in the building. He put the key back in the clipboard, so it's even more okay."

Sango blinked at her, before wincing as a melodic voice approached behind her. "Oh Sango, my sweet, it's nearly opening time! We must be off to greet the guests!"

Sango turned around and smacked Miroku across the face. Kagome would have been shocked if she hadn't seen the hand groping her roommate's butt. "Miroku, it doesn't ask on the resume, but have you ever been on a sexual offenders listing?"

He blinked at her thoughtfully, as if he couldn't remember. Kagome shook her head and headed off towards her go-kart of doom, intending to make a quick once-around of the park, just in case anyone on the staff was having problems.

Pausing only once in front of the prairie dog exhibit, where Kouga had stuck his head up through one of the plastic above-ground bubbles installed for visiting children. He was looking around at his charges and seemed to be chatting with them. Kagome continued on, not wanting to know what was going on.

When she reached the monkeys, she was pleased to note that everything was calm and quiet. Swerving around the scuttling Sesshoumaru, she headed back towards the staff house.

Her walkie-talkie buzzed.

"Kagome...this is Kaede. The train is running on its own!"

Kagome hesitated before answering. "Doesn't it usually?"

"No! I control the train from the station! It's...it's going alone!"

"Calm down, Kaede, I'll be right over," Kagome replied.

_Hmm...the monkeys were awfully quiet. I'm going to swing by there one last time before I head up to the train station._

Well, there was a good reason that the monkeys were quiet.

"Innnnuuuuyyyyaaasssshhhaaaa..." Kagome cursed, glaring at the cage.

The monkeys were quiet because the monkeys, and their keeper, were gone.

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Inuyasha laughed as the breeze blew back his hair. "HAHAHAHAHA! I'm free! Free! Take that, Kagome! Take that, Kaede! Take that, Naraku! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nothing can stop me an' my peeps now!"

One of his monkey comrades latched onto his arm, heart-shaped eyes looking up at him adoringly.

"Yes, that's right Kikyo! First the train, next the entire zoo! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kikyo The Monkey chattered happily and continued to be attached to her keeper's arm. _Good mate_, she thought happily. Inuyasha was too caught up in his success at overthrowing the chain of staff command to notice the monkey's unhealthy obsession with him...after all, he was sitting on top of the train, which was packed full of monkeys. Who wouldn't be preoccupied with joy?

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Tsuki: wooo-hooo! Thought we'd never update, did you?

Akina: ::not actually here:: Tsuki's determined. She wasted homework time on this after I had to go home.

Tsuki: ::nods proudly:: been a while since we updated, Akina. Lucky for all of you, we wrote out our plotline! First, Fur and Feathers, next, Babysitter-Sama! ::grins::

Akina: we're gonna review reply before anything, though. Right, Tsuki?

Tsuki: right... ::whispers:: crazy taco! She only thinks I'm being good! But really...I'm painting with watercolors!

Akina: ::hears, beats Tsuki with very large salted fish:: REVIEW REPLY, TSUKI NO BAKA!

Tsuki: ::cries:: don't hate me, the world hates me! Oooohhhkaaayyy, Akina. I'll listen.

orange-InuYasha: yay, one of our most faithful reviewers reviewed for us! we're so happy! yayyyyyy!

feilo: thank you! ::grins::

eX-Driver Liz: naw, if Miroku had the pigs, then what would Keade take care of? if you want to play the funnest game in the world, go here: and play the Keade pig-riding game! SQUEE, it's so awesome! ride the pig, Keade, ride!

Reignashii: you ask for the secret behind the insantiy? ooohhkkaaayyy.... waay too much time on our hands, waay too much sugar in the house, and so much depression we could cry ourselves a lake if we wanted, so instead we stomp and press our sadness into slap-happy creativity...

(Akina: but then again, no.

Tsuki: but I told the truth...

Akina: the truth comes out behind the workings of the crazy girl's brain....::rolls eyes::

Tsuki: ::doesn't hear, is busy painting her fingernails black and writing sad poetry::)

Shamanic Destiny: this....is....an...ORIGINAL PLOT?!?!?!? yes, our quest for the plot that hasn't been ripped off already is complete!!!

fufu: the only flashbacks of Hepp that Tsuki has involve running, reports on racquetball, and jocks. hmm, she wonders why...?

Tomiie-789: okay, we'll so continue plez?!?! (not trying to make fun of you, but why the question marks?)

feilo: once again, tanky.

Tsuki: ::dies:: oh, the agony of writing review replies! now I'm soooo happy I never started that with Meeting Place! it'd be a hella lot shorter, that's for one thing!

Akina: I just can't wait until we can spew out some of the ideas we got from the first movie....

Tsuki: yes, but updates call. At least now we have a concrete plotline for all these comidies...


	4. Mario Duck Hunter: Plugging

Tsuki: I got a new laptooooppppppp! It's got a smaller screen yet comes with a DVD player! Woooooooohoooooooo!

Akina: ::mesmerized by new laptop and new laptop sparklies::

Tsuki: ::glances at taco:: uh, brain of Tsuki's? Why are you all drooling-like?

Laptop: ::sparkle, sparkle::

Akina: . so...beautiful...and...sparkly.

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Kagome regarded the scene before her as if it were satan and a horde of little hell-elves on the train, and not Inuyasha and his stupid monkies. Glaring as if satan/Inuyasha had eaten her mother and her mother's first-born-child, ironically Kagome herself, she turned to a random person and grabbed the tranq gun out of their hands. The person was convinently attempting to poach elephants elsewhere in the zoo, and so by stealing the illegal weapon from the passerby Kagome not only righted her staff situation but stopped a federal crime. We should all pause and give her a happy little medal. The medal says 'w00t'.

The train drew close to where she was standing and she opened fire.

_Damnit, I shot satan but he just won't die yet. I must need to hit his head or something._

Suddenly, Inuyasha knew what it felt like to have a tranq dart through one of his puppy ears. (Fangirls: ::tackle Tsuki:: how could you?!?!) Before he could ponder why it was there, he fell to the ground—IRONICALLY ON TOP OF THE 'GO' BUTTON!!!

RUN AWAY TRAIN!!!!!

Kikyo-the-monkey paused and looked at her fallen Inuyasha-lover. "Crazy mate, why do you fall to sleep now?" she grunted in monkey-speak.

Kagome growled at the sound. "Speak no evil," she muttered, shooting the insane monkey down. "See no evil," she continued as Miroku approached, presumably to stop her. "Hear no evil," she finished, turning to Keade as the old woman hobbled up.

"Kagome, ye cannot shoot me!"

The staff director's brain imploded as she tried to process the word 'ye'. Instead of helping the girl up, Keade gave her an evil look and regarded the motion-sick monkies continuing past on the train.

"I...I'm so sorry...I don't know what came over me...I just...I NEED TO PLAY SOME MARIO DUCK HUNTER!" Kagome cried, fingers twitching as she reached for her fallen tranq gun.

"Ye will not be playing anything except for simon says for the next few weeks Kagome. This is unforgivable. Look at what you have done to poor Inuyasha."

Kagome turned to look at him with an open-mouthed stupor. "He's...he's awake...and...MAKING OUT WITH A MONKEY?! WHAT THE HELL, WHERE'S THAT GUN?!"

"KAGOME, IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" he yelled, pushing the amorus Kikyo away from him.

She growled some more and groped for the tranq, but Keade kicked it out of her reach. "Ye are now in charge of the babysitting department, Kagome."

"Oh, where's the second clipboard?"

"Ye are the only person running the daycare. It used to be my job, but now I shall be watching ye instead. And...your go-kart is mine."

"Oh well, that thing's possessed anyway. It ran me over the other day."

Keade twitched a little bit and looked at her watch. "They're arriving in a moment or two. Be at the gate, and keep the little rascals happy."

Kagome nodded, grabbed her clipboard, and headed for the front gate.

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Inuyasha realized that he was on an out-of-control train. He also realized that when Kagome tranqued him, he landed on the 'go' button and sort of got it stuck. Plus, Kikyo had decided to make herself a skirt from his hair, so the monkey was randomly attacking him.

There was only one manly way out of his situation, and he would be the manly man to take it.

Saving face with Kikyo, he would make it look like he fell out of the side of the train. With proper timing, it would work just fine.

Inuyasha flung himself off the side of the train.

Several monkies looked on as Kikyo squealed in anguish over her lost mate. Now, her silver skirt was all she had left to remember him by. She would treasure it and pass it on to her young for generations to come. Yes, he had been her one true love.

Inuyasha made a fast escape for the staff building before one of his co-workers saw that he had left the monkies alone, and before the monkies saw that he wasn't dead. Entering the building, he thought that he would be alone.

Sadly, Keade was waiting in the shadows for the hanyou to enter. When she saw that he had snuck into the building, she melted out of her dark refuge to deliver..._orders_.

"Inuyasha."

"AUGH!" he exclaimed, jumping out of his skin. "I...thought I have...given me a...heart attack..."

"Ye will be moving all of Lady Sango's belongings from Kagome's room to Kagura's."

Inuyasha blinked. "Will I get beat up for it?" he asked slowly.

Keade growled in anger. "Do as ye are told, Inuyasha."

He gulped and walked into Sango and Kagome's room.

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Kagome blinked as a small ball of brown fur attached itself to her kneecaps. Wondering what the creature was and how it had escaped, and vowing to kill it if it was that supid monkey, she pried it off her legs and held it up to her eyes.

"I'm Shipppou and I'm seven and a half years old, and you're the new daycare lady, and I drove the last one crazy and made her quit, but you're really nice and not mean like that old hag, so we're gonna be best friends forever and ever, aren't we? We should go do something fun, like throw rocks at the monkies or terrorize visitors and catch peacocks! Why don't we go for a swim in the fountain over there? I don't have my bathing suit but we can pretend it's like a bath, and no one will really care! So why aren't you talking new best friend? What's your name? Do you like ice cream? Can I have some ice cream—buy me ice cream! I want to ride the giraffes! Take me to the monkies, I want to throw some rocks! Or are we coloring today like every day, because I hate coloring pictures and I'll drive you crazy too if you make me color in fishies every single day! Give me ice cream!"

Kagome was slightly disturbed by the speed at which the words passed from Shippou's mouth, but didn't really respond to him. She was feeling mean and decided that not patronizing the kid would be the best way to keep him happy.

Standing off to the side and scowling at the hyperactive seven-and-a-half year old was a small green child, with circular gold eyes and a strange little staff.

"What's your name?" Kagome asked the little weird kid.

"Jaken," he replied simply.

Kagome sighed and took Jaken and Shippou's hands. "Let's go see if the train is cleared up yet, guys."

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It was a tired Kagome that dragged herself into the mess hall, several crude drawings of Shippou and ice cream cones on the side of her head. The little kid had swiped a sharpie from someone's purse during the day, and upon discovering that she had no plans to get him ice cream, thought that Kagome's forehead would look a lot better if it was tattooed.

"Hey, is that an aardvark on the side of your head?" Inuyasha asked, putting down his plate next to her. "Wow, ice cream. I want some of that, haven't had any in forever."

Kagome growled. Maybe it was the metion of her 'tattoos', maybe the mention of ice cream. Whatever the cause, she reached into the backpack behind her, which held all of the coloring supplies she could ever want in her life. To assure that he did not end up coloring fishies, Shippou had sabatoged the bag right away. It was now filled...with elephant feces.

"Disgusting, is that smell you, wench?"

_GLOMP_.

"You needed some new cologne, Inuyasha." Kagome said sweetly. "You might want to wash off that..._mud_...outside with the hose."

He jumped up and ran out the door, not pleased with the strong scent that had suddenly been shoved under his nose. By the time he made it to the hose, he had passed out from the strongness of the poo-oder.

Kagome innocently left the dinner table to 'lock the door and keep all the serial killers out'.

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Miroku rose from his slumber at three in the morning. He had been disturbed by a strange thumping noise he had initially assumed to be trees on a window elsewhere. However, when a recent bout of thumping was accompanied with a hoarse and strangled-sounding yelp, he decided that it must be a rabies-infested dog ramming itself up against the front door.

Deciding to see if his suspicions were correct, he headed downstairs.

"My, my, Inuyasha—I WAS RIGHT!"

The hanyou was foaming at the mouth—though this may have been from the strange amount of soap he had coated himself with. Reeking slightly of elephant poop, but the overpowering scent of Dial masking the scent, he was a sight to be...smelled. Miroku winced and pinched his nose.

"Just move and let me in. There's a wench that needs to meet some ice water."

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Tsuki: yayyy! Another chapter done! And now that Tsuki is very far behind on homework and other life necessities/evils, she must be off!

Akina: ::blinks as the crazy girl runs away:: oooohhhh kaaaayyyy... I'll have to go tranq her, be right back.

Laptop: ::sparkle, sparkle::

Tsuki: ::slightly disoriented from the tranq:: rehview...rephliesh!

Akina: ::pats Tsuki's head:: good girl, just answer the nice people. Ahp! No biting!

orange-InuYasha: ::glomp:: you're a faithful fan, of course! you review for each and every chapter that we update, and that makes Tsuki happy!

fuf: I know you love the monkies. you want some monkies of your own, but Tsuki is crazy and fed all the monkies at the bookstore to her pet taco.

Jamie: well, Kag-chan only got weirder this chapter around, but what can you do? the Laptop of Tsuki was great cause for insanity, and later Japanese Spirited Away watching! ::sparkle, sparkle::

Tomiie-789: ooohhhkay, Tsuki understands that. She likes the '?!' ness too, but her spell checker tends to bite her for it...she was just wondering if you had a question of some kind...::grins, sweatdrops:: yes, the monkey that is Kikyo reeks of greatness. She will return, do not worry.

Tsuki: wow, I'm typing this up during 'Directed Studies' (SEMINAR, STUDY HALL, WHATEVER!) and this computer is lots faster than Tsuki's home cable. she should bother it more often.

Akina: T.T I'm in a different class, I don't even know that you're updating.

Tsuki: that's okay, there are Taquitos in my Seminar. They are very fun to speak with. ::grins::

Akina: ::sighs:: one day we'll figure out what's wrong with your head, and when that day comes...


	5. Vengence and Jealousy

**Tsuki:** yes, it's been forever since you've seen our lovely…screen names!

**Akina:** now that Tsuki and Akina no longer have to play their fingers off in anticipation of music contests and such, we have some time to update! OUTSIDE OF SLEEPOVERS! Yayy!

**Tsuki:** although, we are both involved in the pit for Oklahoma, which will be taking up time even more. However, this may generate more sleepovers, which will lead to the verbalization of some stagnant ideas in our heads.

**Akina:** Finishing up Babysitter-Sama is done, so now we shall devote full efforts to Fur and Feathers!

**Tsuki (**cheers)

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Miroku was shaking hands in the greeting shop, a new day having dawned without any more incidents aside from the ice-water fiasco.

He shivered, remembering the horrors of Inuyasha's encounter with the sleeping Kagome. It would forever torment his hopelessly frightened mind.

Shaking the hand of an older woman as she entered the store, he gave her a toneless, "Hello, welcome to the Shikon Zoo Gift Shop. Please ask for help if you need anything at all."

Sango was working behind the register, watching him as one would watch a can of nitroglycerin teetering on the edge of a building. _If he gropes anyone…Kagome will kill him. She'll make him eat the elephant poo in her backpack. _Sango paused in her mental threats. _As long as she doesn't do to him what she did to Inuyasha…_the girl shivered. Who would have guessed that the sweet and kind-looking Kagome had such a malicious streak?

Miroku's eyes lit up as two gorgeous young girls wandered into the gift shop. "Hell-oooh, WELcome to the Shikon Zoo Gift Shop. PLEASE, ask for help if you need ANYTHING at all."

The blonde turned to the brunette, shifting uneasily. Her blue eyes never left Miroku as he continued to stare at her. "Akina…can we leave now?"

The shorter girl looked worried as well. Her green eyes glanced away from the greeter to the terrified face of her companion. "Tsuki…we came here for a monkey…we're not leaving without one…"

"A monkey? Let me show you where they are!" Miroku said, eyes glowing with joy. The two girls followed behind the older boy warily, not taking their eyes off him.

"Akina…"

"Here we are. I assume that you were looking for a stuffed animal?" Miroku said.

Tsuki didn't register his words. Her eyes had caught onto an adorable stuffed thing, and she forgot to be afraid of the boy. Stepping forward, she leaned over to retrieve the monkey.

Tsuki's eyes widened.

"Tsuki?" Akina asked curiously, watching as the usually hyperactive blonde froze. "Tsuki, did your batteries die again? Tsuki!"

Sango appeared behind Miroku. "Hiraikotsu," she muttered, beating his head in with a clipboard. "Hiraikotsu, hiraikotsu, hiraikotsu…"

Akina patted the shocked Tsuki's head. "It's okay Tsuki. What noble self-sacrifice."

"Please, Akina…I've got the monkey…can we leave?"

"Yes, Tsuki. Let's go visit the penguins."

Trauma forgotten, the blonde's face lit up and she skipped out of the gift shop.

Miroku turned as the two gorgeous girls left the shop, twinkling stars hovering before his eyes. "Ah…what joy is my job, encountering such young beauties all day long…"

Sango glared, and repeated herself more forcefully. "HIRAIKOTSU," she continued, beating his head harder. "HIRAIKOTSU, HIRAIKOTSU, HIRAIKOTSU…"

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Kagome wandered into her room, clipboard attached to her hand. There was no other way out of it, she had left Shippo and the other children with Rin while she went to wash the ice cream out of her hair. If it dried, she would become a walking beehive exhibit.

When she walked into her room, she was surprised to see Keade hunched over the second bed. Retching noises met her ears as she drew closer, and she was horrified to see Kouga residing in what was once Sango's space.

"Whatever possessed ye to consume the prairie dog food, young Kouga?" Keade muttered as he emptied his stomach some more.

"I'm taking a shower," Kagome muttered, leaving the disgusting scene behind her. "Please, make sure that he's all taken care of before Sango returns."

"This is the sick room, Kagome. Ye shall just have to deal with the sickness."

Kagome's eye twitched, but she stepped into the shower regardless.

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Inuyasha heard the noises before he saw the scene. A green-in-the-face Kagome was sitting in the hallway outside of her room, the noises coming from behind her informing Inuyasha as to what was happening.

"Having a little bit of roommate trouble?" he jabbed, feeling mean despite the beating he had gotten the night before.

Kagome glared up at him. "No. None at all."

Her voice was emotionless when she said it. Regardless of any arguments between them, Inuyasha was worried. What had happened to her during the day that had made her so angry? Then again, if Naraku was puking all over HIS room, he'd be rather upset as…

_What the hell is in my bed?_ He wondered, the fur under the sheets not clicking with his memories of how a bed should feel.

Naraku opened the door just as Kikyo surfaced from beneath the covers. Not wanting to disturb the AIDs-perpetuating couple before him, he turned around and closed the door behind him.

The shriek from Inuyasha's room raised Kagome's head off her knees. It continued, growing louder as the source of the sound came nearer. A scantly-clad hanyou ran screaming down the hallway, monkey lover trailing behind him like streamers on a tricycle.

Kagome cackled as her vengeance was completed. Yet at the same time, she felt a pang of jealousy…

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**Tsuki:** yes, it's short. But there's some shameless self-insertion to make up for it.

**Akina:** ah, noble sacrifice Tsuki. For the good of the story.

**Tsuki:** in reality, we ran out of characters. It'd just be weird to have that scene with…Kohaku and Shippo, or…Rin and Jaken, or…Jakotsu and Naraku…

**Akina:** okay, they understand.

**Tsuki:** yet the Tsuki could barely type when she reached the groping section. In her own words, "I don't wanna write about me being groped! I don't wanna write about YOU being groped either, though!"

**Akina:** ah, noble self-sacrifice…

**Tsuki:** T.T; review replies shall commence now…

**Tomiie:** ah, no monkey admirers for the Kikyo-beast. who would put up with her, anyway (sticks out tongue and smiles)

**Karen Higurashi:** we apologize for the horrible masacarring of this wonderful last name. sadly, Tsuki is spelling inept. as soon as she gets back to her computer, she will change it in her autocorrect.

**Jamie:** no Sesshoumaru? he is there...hmm...well, the car and the Kikyo sounds fun, we'll give it thought and credit you if we decide to use it.

**spice lily:** heh...(cackles) such is the diabolical power of the Tsuki!

**orange-InuYasha:** yay, hello orange, friend of Tsuki and Akina! yes, there's some squishy moments coming up. We have to make up for all the torture we've been puting Kag-chan through, no? (grins evilly)

**fuf:** Spano is always wondering why you're cackling. damn you and your using stars in your review! this site won't even let us use double charecters any more if they're not letters -how are you supposed to have actions and review reply? It's getting harder and harder...

**Nez-chan:** alas, there shall be no more Tsuki and Nez ISS humor, for we have graduated from the class of satan...(cries)

**eX Driver Liz:** one handed? aww, we hope you're better. recover soon from your missing arm...

**SangoXKirara:** grr...(Tsuki once again assumes an Atlas pose) I'll just stand here holding up the fic...

**Lady Katreina:** you sound angry. have we offended you with our non-updating-ness? we apologize...

**Dark-magic-fire:** we love Sesshy and the peacocks too! Tsuki actually used to chase the peacocks when she was little...

**Tsuki:** ah, we're done. until next time!

V


	6. Tsuki and Akina on Buns of Steel

**Tsuki**: well…we're back. With more self-insertion, some Rin/Sess fluff, and some more happy Inu/Kag madness.

**Akina**: should you be telling them all of that?

**Tsuki**: because I'm Kittens, muffink.

**Akina**: (cackles) well…the explanation for this is going to come in the end. The Idea Taco is running out of ideas—it's a good thing we have the story plotted out.

**Tsuki**: (nods, sticks out tongue at Akina) awww…poor defective Taco…

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Rin looked up from the group of children and parents she had been instructing just as Sesshoumaru entered the front doorway of the butterfly house. She had been ready to take the group through the indoor environment, and beckoned her boyfriend to follow them inside. Without a word (or a haiku), he followed.

The children immediately squealed and scattered in many different directions. Grinning vaguely after them, Rin sat down on a low brick wall of the many gardens. Sesshoumaru wandered over and grinned some more at her.

"This Sesshoumaru, one very fine morning Rin, comes to visit you."

She nodded and thought for a moment before answering. "I Rin am happy, sit still and do nothing now, until the children leave."

"This Sesshoumaru, master of the haiku art, must correct you Rin. A true haiku poem, five seven five it must go, you should study more."

Rin paused and counted on her fingers for a moment before responding. "I Rin do not care, you can take your haikus and, shove them you baka."

Sesshoumaru gave her a hurt look and sulked away, waiting for the group's time to end. Rin, feeling angry, called the session to a close prematurely.

"Everyone, line up and head for the back doors,"

A blonde clutching a monkey turned and smirked as her brunette companion squeaked in relief. "Akina…they're only pretty butterflizies. They're not going to hurt you."

Akina twitched and muttered something before squeaking and grabbing onto the blonde's hoodie, burying her head beneath her armpit.

"Hey! You almost made me drop monkey-monkey!" Tsuki squealed.

"Girls! This way please!" Rin snapped. The duo drifted into line with the other small children and walked under the curtain of air that would propel any rogue butterflies back into the exhibit area. Sess, sulking, was behind them. Rin turned on her heel and huffed, allowing him to close the door himself.

As soon as her back was turned, hundreds of winged insects burrowed beneath Sesshoumaru's glossy silver hair. He didn't notice, and followed the group into the check room beyond the butterfly house.

"Now, I just have to check you for any tag-along butterflies before you can leave. Thank you, it will just take a moment," Rin told the group.

Akina suddenly screamed, flailing and falling to the ground. Her arm twitched spasmodically as she tried to crush the insect attached to her forehead.

Tsuki cackled evilly above the writhing Akina. "Heh. Akina's afraid of some harmless little butterflizies. MEET MY MONKEY MAKER!"

She then beat Akina's face with monkey-monkey.

Rin screamed in terror for the butterfly and swooped down, grabbing the fragile beauty before Akina's flailing death-arms or the flying monkey of doom could kill it. Releasing the butterfly back into the house, she shooed the two trouble makers out of her exhibit before they could cause any more trouble.

"This Sesshoumaru, astounded by your patience, bids you farewell Rin."

That said, he turned to leave. Rin gaped at the sheer amount of butterflies on his back before calling hastily, "Wait, buns of steel! Butterflies, covering the steelyness!"

Sesshoumaru halted, her jabbering not making any sense. "This Sesshoumaru, whilst thankful for your comment, does not understand."

Rin took a deep breath. "There are butterflies on your back…like a blanket of them. You're going to have to stay here. I have another group coming in, just…wait. And don't move at all! You could hurt them!"

Sesshoumaru froze as Rin dashed back to the main entrance. He wasn't sure how long he could hold the intricate position, hands in the air and one leg raised to take a step, but he was determined to do anything for the love of his life…even if she had told him he sucked at composing poetry.

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Inuyasha dashed out of his room after tying his mad monkey-lover Kikyo up with the lamp cord. Feeling extremely icky, he decided to make good use of Kagome's vacant shower. At least…he hoped it was vacant. Though he wouldn't mind if it wasn't…

He heard trickling water and couldn't believe his ears. Was it possible…could he walk in on her and make it look like an accident? He hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, and he knew that he certainly looked bad enough to get off for sleepwalking…

Opening the door, he innocently pulled aside the shower curtain.

Inuyasha was suddenly greeted with a Prairie-Dog Full Moon.

"Oh Good Kami!" he cried, falling back against the wall.

Kouga turned and screamed, paused, and puked all over the floor of the shower.

Inuyasha turned to find the outdoor hose once again…this summer, the green tube would be his friend…

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Kagome walked into the bathroom. The first thing she saw was the large pile of vomit on her shower floor and the unconscious, naked Kouga that accompanied it.

The second thing she saw was the message written in soap on her mirror. _In Inuyasha's handwriting…_

"Kagome—you smell like elephant butt. Use your shower, wench."

She grit her teeth and turned to leave the bathroom. Kouga moaned on the floor.

_Oh no. I'm not taking care of this. Keade can have a bit of her own medicine._

"Oh Keade!" she sang into the walkie-talkie at her hip. "You're needed at the staff house! There's a mess here, and all the monkies have escaped again! I'm going to take care of them, you need to clean this up!"

Kagome left before the older woman could assign herself to monkey duty and took off for Inuyasha's exhibit.

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Tsuki sang as she made her monkey dance, Akina rolling her eyes. They were headed for the monkey exhibit, and from Tsuki's loud and off-pitched squealing you never would have been able to tell.

"I love the monkies, because Mr. Monkey-monkey is my friiieeennndddd…and in Michigan, we have no mooonnnnkkkiiiieeeessss….they live in trees, and are addddooorrraaabbbllleee like kittens! Kittens that live in trees!"

"OKAY! Enough!" Akina snapped. She needed a topic to divert Tsuki, and fast. "So…that guy! In the butterfly exhibit! Buns of steel, or what?"

"I doonnnn'tttt caaarrreeee, because I have a cuuuttteeeerrr cowboy-clad buttttt to ooggggglllleeeeee!"

Akina twitched. "But…did you see? He was so hot! And there was someone with him…"

"The girl? No Akina, I don't swing that way," Tsuki scrunched up her nose.

Akina was only grateful to have successfully changed the subject. "Oh. Well, I thought he was hot."

Tsuki nodded vaguely, making a face at her monkey-monkey.

Just then, a girl rushed past them and bumped the monkey out of her hands. Scowling after the rushing Zoo official, Tsuki just barely made out the name on the back of her polo shirt.

"Kagome! That was rude!" she yelled at the running back.

"Tsuki! That's a Zoo attendant! Pick up the monkey, let's get going. There's a monkey feeding show starting in a few minutes."

Tsuki nodded. "You're right…he did have buns of steel."

Akina just sighed and grabbed her arm, pulling her along the pathway.

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**Tsuki:** sorry for the insertion once again. (winks) if you hate it, tell us and we'll stop. Personally, we like writing ourselves in…but we do realize that a Mary-Sue can get irritating.

**Akina**: to explain what was happening up top, Tsuki is usually the voice behind chapters. The ENTIRE chapter, including the things labeled as 'Akina'. After the…what, fifteen stories, that we've written? Well, she turns and says, "What do you want to say to that?" So I just blink and laugh, and she types up what I'm saying anyway.

**Tsuki**: it's not like Tsuki does it on purpose, it just sort of happens.

**Akina**: other notes—"Kittens" is Tsuki's IM away message at the moment, and the cowboy reference is to the play Oklahoma, which is starring her BF.

**Tsuki**: and on that happy memo, REVIEW REPLIES!

**OrangeInuYasha: **orange, we pretty much responded to you in Tsuki's review. BUT—we still love you, so we're responding now too. (grins)

**akina kumi-tami**(as Tsuki mocks your review) that is…if we ever get some music practicing in too…

**Tsuki-no-oni**: well…responding to myself…hmm…well, updates will only flow like grades the day after finals if they are good grades. Or at least, so we hope.

**fufulupin**: if you irritate Tsuki, she will throw your into the story and introduce you to your very own Miroku. She knows you well enough to mortify you quite nicely.

**Nez-chan: **no…Tsuki couldn't carry you…nor would you like the fate that is in store for that poor little stuffed monkey…

**tomiie**: aww…you mow-ed like a kitty…sometimes Tsuki's Fuzzy-chan does that too…(grins and sighs)


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